This last month, the world turned on the news to discover something astounding. In between the run-of-the-mill dystopian coverage of the destruction of democracy to further fill the coffers of billionaires, while the world’s remaining impoverished flogged their meagre grant money on online betting sites… four brazen scoundrels dared to do the unthinkable.

They brought back the past.

Donning workman’s overalls, chapeaus, and fake moustaches (one can only assume), these modern-day mischief-makers broke into the Louvre – one of the world’s most iconic museums known to house some of human history’s most precious artefacts – and skipped away clutching France’s precious crown jewels, with a few extra gems stuffed down their pantaloons.

And this was done in broad daylight, at a reasonable hour, apparently when France’s gendarmerie was least expecting them. They managed to make a not-so-quick getaway on a couple of scooters, leaving a trail of clues for Inspector Clouseau to find and track them down in a thrilling series of missteps and misadventures.

‘How refreshing!’ we all exclaimed. It’s just so delightful to have some old-fashioned jewel thieves bring us back to reality. No confusing cryptocurrency and dark web nonsense that nobody can follow. No offshore bank accounts and obscure wire transfers. There wasn’t even any bloodshed. There didn’t need to be. The French didn’t know they had been robbed until they saw it on the news.

And to steal Le Crowne Jewels that nobody cared about except some crusty old artefact sniffers and, presumably, the deep-pocketed buyers hiding in the shadows somewhere, no doubt with an interesting back story dating back to Marie Antoinette. The jewels can only have been stolen from Africa originally, where there was certainly bloodshed, so maybe they’ll find their way back to the motherland. Personally, I’d check the Phala Phala couch first if I were Inspector Clouseau.

The story continues to unravel, with each new twist and turn giving us enough nostalgic sentimentality to keep us glued to our radios. One thief was stopped at the airport trying to board a plane – the drama! More have been detained, some arrested, their involvement unclear… rumours are flying around of this being an inside job. Bien sur! The only camera monitoring the gallery was pointed away from the jewels; someone on the inside must be involved!

Images are doing the rounds of two of the best-looking men ever arrested, claiming them to be the jewel thieves. Apparently, they’re not, but that hasn’t stopped women from every corner of the globe from suggesting they can assist in fixing these two ‘works of art’.

Beyond the excitement and intrigue, the bottom line is that we are yearning for the pre-digital days. When thieves planned heists and stole diamonds. When crimes were committed that we could actually understand, and even get behind. Like bootlegging. And great train robberies. And overthrowing oligarchs.

And this yearning for nostalgia is becoming even more evident in what I believe is the technological fightback. People want to unplug and slow down.

Unsurprisingly, parents are realising that giving children unfettered access to the internet isn’t perhaps… maybe such a great idea. The pervasive evils of smartphones are becoming all the more apparent, and there seems to be a shift backwards – to landlines… maybe even transistor radios.

I think it’s great.

Our children should know the pain of phoning someone and not getting hold of them immediately. Of not having what you want, when you want it, how you want it. Let’s force kids to discuss their plans on the home landline in the lounge where everyone can hear – as it should be. Let them be bored, doodle weird sketches, and plan jewel heists with their friends.

And if they’re really good, we might even let them have a Nokia 3310.